Sunday, April 1, 2012

part two, the journey so far..

Alice's very first day of 4 year old kinder. So grown up and ready.

Well, so much for part two coming tomorrow..., but I've been feeling like a ship without a sail, asking complete strangers 'what should I do'?

Well, Dan spoke to a farmer in the Thora valley who grow organic garlic, and suddenly the light went on for Dan and he could 'see' himself growing food including garlic. He reminded me that before we had children we had wanted to grow organic garlic crops. I had totally forgotten.

I'm like, 'wait a minute, you have four children to support'. Are you serious?

He was.

Then I got a phone call on holidays to say that the board at the school had met, and after a long consideration have decided to let Flynn start school for class one. Unbelievable.

So we left Thora, Dan smiling from ear to ear, and me, feeling totally overwhelmed about it all.

When we got back to Castlemaine, there was a spring fair, and the love that I felt from all my friends was beautiful. we had been there 14 months, and I have made some wonderful friendships.

What to do?

I said to Dan, 'this is what we have being praying for, for Flynn to get in', we have worked so hard and made a life here, the children and I have beautiful friends. I fit in here. They are my people.

The stress of moving children is never ideal, and I was very aware that once is enough. But something shifted in Dan, and he said 'I've being in the family printing business since I was 15, and I'm nearly fifty, and I haven't looked up, I need to step out of Ballarat and see what else there is.

I said okay, let's look at Castlemaine, but for him, it wasn't far enough away from Ballarat and it was all to tempting to keep commuting for the security of income, which he has always had.

So we sat with this for a couple of months.

And I observed everything around me.

Castlemaine had been hard, but by my choices, living in two houses is crazy. Dan commuting everyday, not seeing much of the children wasn't great.

Castlemaine is dry in climate, thirsty place, like an oven in summer, but the winter is glorious, frosty mornings and crystal clear day's. Scrubby trees, not wonderful tall ones.

But the community is amazing, so much happens here, as much as a big city. And you feel apart of it all.

The big one= the school is a disapointment, there, I said it.
I haven't said anything till now because, you know, we moved our whole life so that the kids could go here. and it was nothing special.

I didn't see this when we went there for interviews, everybody always raves about this school,. But really, Jim said after the first week, there's nothing Steiner about this school, and he was right.
It's just a good private school with art and craft subjects.
Joseph had being struggling last year. He was spending most of his time in the library because his teacher Anne couldn't cope with him.
Yes, my invisible Joe.
First she said he was deaf, and to get him tested, of course his ears were fine, Joey said 'she never listen's to me"
Next she said it's auditory processing, then the next month dyslexia
I had started losing my faith in this teacher.
First and foremost a Steiner teacher needs to observe the child with Goethe eye's, meaning purely, without any judgement.
If she had, she would have seen that Joseph is your best teacher, he reflects back to you what he feels. He is all feeling, he doesn't hear what you say, he just knows what your thinking.
But, Anne isn't a Steiner trained teacher, and after 20years of teaching there, has no intention on starting. Even mainstream education would see her as a traditional teacher.

Then one day,Dan and I experienced her coldness to us and our child, it felt like a knife through the heart. She did apologized the next week, but for me, that was an insight to how she treated my child, there was no heart, no understanding, just judgement.

One thing I've learn't in life is that you have to" walk the talk".

This did leave me feeling uneasy.

Joseph was getting worse, calling out at night, not eating breakfast, pale, limp not wanting to got to school. Developed a nervous cough.

We spoke to the child psychologist at the school and she said, Joseph was on his way to rejecting school, and that this was his only chance at having a Steiner school education. Her idea was for Joseph to say five times every morning, 'school is fun, school is fun'

But it isn't I said, he should be thriving.

It never sat well with me, this approach, he was feeling this way for a reason, and to ignore those feelings just isn't right.

What to do?, well the end of school was soon, and I decided to see what happens during the 6 week holidays.

Part three coming this week, promise!